I’ve noticed that when people are angry and frustrated, it’s really hard to stay with it and not get ‘plugged in.’ It’s difficult not to say, “calm down!’ Because really, that’s what we want them to do. We want them to just stop being angry and calm down so that we can have a reasonable conversation.
But last night, my daughter was feeling angry and I understood what it was like to be on the receiving end. I hate conflict so I just want to run away. Except I can’t….I know that’s just being in my animal brain. So I switched to my human brain. How did I do that? I just thought for a moment, ‘how do I want to be?’ And I realized I wanted to help her through the struggle of being angry. Because underneath all anger is fear. It’s an animal brain thing….and animals are just into survival (read The Winner’s Atititude for a bigger explanation on this).
As soon as I took myself out of my animal brain head, where everything is about me and my survival, I was able to look at it from her point of view. I could actually understand why she was frustrated. I was able to listen. I was able to stay in one place and participate without being involved. It was great.
She got through her thing, and later said, “Thanks mom. I just wanted someone to listen.”
I learned that switching to the human brain, doesn’t mean that we don’t get angry, or frustrated or upset sometimes. Bad things do happen, and we do need to express ourselves to someone who is willing to listen.
And listening allows people to move through their stuff faster. So if you find yourself in conflict today, where someone is angry and you have to listen. Just switch to your human brain where you come from love, acceptance and understanding, and listen. I promise you, if you can listen without taking it personally, or without having to defend yourself or put in your two cents, you will feel great! You will end your day feeling like you made a real difference in someone’s life. And more importantly, you will have made a big difference in your own. Rock N Roll, Val & Jeff
September 4th, 2008
It doesn’t matter what you know at present, there is always room in our brains to learn more….what do they say….that we only use 7% of our brain….that means there is 93% left to fill!
That’s why I go to my writers workshop. I’ve learned so much, and at the same time it has become more difficult in a way to write. Writing a blog like this is okay, because it’s just a free flowing thought. But to write a novel….that requires something more.
I’m over 35,000 words into a novel right now, and today I had the thought, just for a second….this is no good. What am I doing? McGraw-Hill have already asked us to write the 2nd edition of Super Service, why am I writing a novel? Answer….because I really, really enjoy it.
There is something about it that I love. The characters for example, they just come to life….as if they are real living people. I have no idea what they are going to do or say until I see it on the page.
What is great about learning something new, is that it frees the mind. It allows you to play. It takes the seriousness out of life.
So whatever your job, whatever you do in your life, leave a little room to hone your passion. To learn to do what you love to do better. Take a lesson. It’s great. Rock N Roll Val & Jeff
September 3rd, 2008
There’s lots written about being a leader, but the best way to being a great leader is to be a great role model. I guess that’s why we don’t like politicians who tell other people how to behave, and then behave a different way in their own life. No one wants to follow someone who doesn’t walk their own talk.
So it got me to thinking. Am I being great? Am I being amazing? Do I wake up every morning and affirm my day? Look in the mirror and say, “Today is a great day. Today I am going to be the best I can be.” You can use your own words….basically it’s creating a vision of how you want your day to be.
I do this a lot before meetings, or some special event. I think about how I want it to be, then I set the vision, “I want the outcome of this meeting to be….” It only takes a moment. I’ve even done it driving to somewhere and the traffic seems bad. I say to myself, “I want to arrrive at this place by 9:00 am,” or whatever time I want to get there. And it works. The traffic seems to open up, green lights all the way…it’s amazing!
So that’s one way…but even so….there is still one more important step to being a leader, and that is to remember what kind of attitude you want to create. How do you want to live your life? It all begins with your thoughts. It begins by being in your human brain.
We talk about this in our book The Winner’s Attitude. Switch from your animal brain to your human brain, to the part of your brain that comes from acceptance, love, joy, happiness and having a great life. Switch your thoughts to something better. It starts with one good thought. “I’m alive!” That’s a good thought!
And the most important part of being a leader is that the one person you are leading most of all is yourself. Even if you are not a team leader, a manager or a boss, you are leading yourself! It’s your decision how you wake up in the morning and greet the new day. It’s your decision if you want to dress in something that looks really good, or just throw on the first thing that comes to hand. It’s your decision if you smile and say ‘good morning’ in a happy way to other people.
Being a leader is about being great and leading an amazing life. We have one shot at this life. Why not make it the best shot we can make. Rock N Roll Val & Jeff
September 2nd, 2008