Communication
I’ve noticed that when people are angry and frustrated, it’s really hard to stay with it and not get ‘plugged in.’ It’s difficult not to say, “calm down!’ Because really, that’s what we want them to do. We want them to just stop being angry and calm down so that we can have a reasonable conversation.
But last night, my daughter was feeling angry and I understood what it was like to be on the receiving end. I hate conflict so I just want to run away. Except I can’t….I know that’s just being in my animal brain. So I switched to my human brain. How did I do that? I just thought for a moment, ‘how do I want to be?’ And I realized I wanted to help her through the struggle of being angry. Because underneath all anger is fear. It’s an animal brain thing….and animals are just into survival (read The Winner’s Atititude for a bigger explanation on this).
As soon as I took myself out of my animal brain head, where everything is about me and my survival, I was able to look at it from her point of view. I could actually understand why she was frustrated. I was able to listen. I was able to stay in one place and participate without being involved. It was great.
She got through her thing, and later said, “Thanks mom. I just wanted someone to listen.”
I learned that switching to the human brain, doesn’t mean that we don’t get angry, or frustrated or upset sometimes. Bad things do happen, and we do need to express ourselves to someone who is willing to listen.
And listening allows people to move through their stuff faster. So if you find yourself in conflict today, where someone is angry and you have to listen. Just switch to your human brain where you come from love, acceptance and understanding, and listen. I promise you, if you can listen without taking it personally, or without having to defend yourself or put in your two cents, you will feel great! You will end your day feeling like you made a real difference in someone’s life. And more importantly, you will have made a big difference in your own. Rock N Roll, Val & Jeff
Add comment September 4th, 2008